No caption needed for this face (Image via The Los Angeles Times)
Times have not been smooth sailing for GOP Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich. Following his recent presidential candidacy announcement which has fallen on mostly deaf ears, and has got to be the most anti-momentum inducing announcement made in political history, Gingrich has found himself in a series of messy quagmires this past week.
It all started when records revealed that Gingrich owed up to $500,000 in debt to Tiffany’s Jewelry Co. for jewelery bought for wife #3. Fiscal conservative? Not so much. Following this embarrassing disclosure, Gingrich came under fire by his own party for a gaffe made on a Sunday television broadcast in which he suggested that fellow Republican colleague, Paul Ryan’s plans for a Medicare voucher program paralleled “right wing social engineering”. As if that wasn’t enough commotion for a presidential hopeful to endure in less than a week, Gingrich was met at a book signing event yesterday by a Gay Rights Activist who showered the former Speaker of the House with a large amount of colored confetti.
In an effort to prevent this crazy train from going off track, Gingrich spokesman Rick Tyler, has made an official statement blasting the media for making fun of the Presidential candidate (His feelings are hurt y’all! Dunderheads have feelings too)! Below is the real statement issued by Gingrich spokesman Rick Tyler:
The literati sent out their minions to do their bidding. Washington cannot tolerate threats from outsiders who might disrupt their comfortable world. The firefight started when the cowardly sensed weakness. They fired timidly at first, then the sheep not wanting to be dropped from the establishment’s cocktail party invite list unloaded their entire clip, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods. Now they are left exposed by their bylines and handles. But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked. A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready to lead those who won’t be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces.
Huh?!? I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried people!
